Many, many years ago, when computers were still the size of wardrobes and the World Wide Web was just a scary spider’s lair in a science fiction writer’s imagination, my dad gave me a pair of huge dictionaries that he had picked up from a secondhand bookshop. He was always keen on me improving my vocabulary because, as you know, teenagers only communicate by grunting. I used to sit for hours browsing through these great dusty tomes, looking for the most obscure English words I could find, and then I would try to pepper my conversations with them.
These days, hardback dictionaries are largely gone and have been replaced by all manner of resources readily available through your keyboard. The Internet is a great source for finding out about English words, but if we’re honest, most of the words you read on a daily basis will be written in readily accessible, easily understood language. You won’t necessarily have access to old English words, so here are a few rather ridiculous ones for you to try out on your nearest and dearest.
1. Archimage (first recorded use 1553): This is actually a really cool word when you break it down and think about it, isn’t it? Whenever you see archi, it relates to chief, head, or master, while mage, of course, comes from magus and has the same root as magic. So an archimage is a chief magician or a great wizard. Dumbledore from Harry Potter, perhaps?
2. Benempt (1580): How fabulous! Benempt is the past tense of “bename,” which means exactly what it sounds like: to give somebody a name. You can just imagine someone’s mum saying, “No, you can’t call yourself Jazzy Jizzfiddle. I benempt you David Carter.”
3. Cankerfret (1618): This is a rather difficult way to say that something is corroding because of rust. But it can also, rather charmingly, describe a blister in the mouth or something that is being eaten away by gangrene. Mmm, nice!
4. Coggly (1695): A coggle is a small rounded stone that has been worn smooth by water. Therefore, coggly naturally means shaky or unsteady when stepped on. A splendid pair of ridiculous English words, don’t you think?
5. Fanfaronade (1652): Fanfaronade describes boisterous or arrogant language. So someone who brags or is ostentatious in their use of English words, or any other words, could be described as loud, brash, and prone to fanfaronading. The word fanfare is related and was first used about a century later.
6. Fribble (1627): Fribble is another word that we really ought to rescue from obscurity. It means to falter or stammer, but more pertinently than either of these, from 1709 it came to mean tottering when walking. Therefore, when reviewing Lady Gaga’s latest wardrobe ensemble, we can suggest that she fribbled down the street away from the paparazzi in her impossibly high shoes. A fribbler can be described as someone who acts aimlessly or feebly.
7. Ginglyform: This is a pretty ridiculous sounding word that means hinge shaped. Ginglymoidal, which is arguably even more ridiculous, means resembling a hinge.
8. High-low (1801): High-lows is nineteenth century fashion terminology for footwear that neither reached high up the leg nor sat below the ankle. The high-low was a laced boot that reached above the ankle but didn’t rise as high as a full boot.
9. Lickerous (1603): This is my favourite word on the list. It means something that is pleasing to the palate, something sweet, pleasant, and delicious. It also came to describe eager, desirous longing or greedy desire. From 1653, it described someone who was lecherous, lustful, and wanton.
10. Mammothrept (1599): In the sixteenth century, a mammothrept was a spoilt child. This has to be one of the best, albeit ridiculous sounding, English words ever. Surely this is due for resurrection because, as we well know, the twenty-first century has more than its fair share of mammothrepts!
11. Noodle: Of course, you’ve heard of noodles, and you’ve probably eaten them too. Noodles as we know them are made from wheat flour and eggs and are served in soup or in Chinese and other Asian dishes. However, much more interesting is the old 1753 use of the term, now largely obscure, to describe a simpleton. Try this: “My mammothrept, whom I benempt David Carter, is both a noodle and a fribbler.” What a beautifully ridiculous sentence!
12. Profluvium (1603): Profluvium is not the most charming word to use in conversation. It means a flowing forth, a copious flow, or a discharge. As in, “I had a bad cold. There was quite a profluvium from my nasal passages.” Yuck!
13. Quivive (1726): Quivive is a sentinel’s challenge, intended to discover which side the challenged party belongs to. For example, “Halt, who goes there?” is a quivive. If you are “on the quivive,” you are on the lookout.
14. Ramiferous (1819): This rare, ridiculous sounding word means “to bear branches.” That will be a tree, then, I guess?
15. Replevin (1461): Drawn from the law, replevin means the restoration to a person, or recovery by a person, of goods or chattels taken from them, as long as they agree to have the matter tried in a court of justice and to return the goods if the case is decided against them. From the year 1465, a person could recover their goods by a writ of replevin.
16. Sesquiplicate (1714): Sesquiplicate means to bear or involve the ratio of square roots of the cubes of the terms of a certain ratio. I’m sorry; you’ve completely lost me there, but it just sounds great tripping off the tongue. Sesquiplicate is such a word from the eighteenth century, isn’t it? You can imagine a group of men, marked by smallpox, wearing powdered white wigs and rouged cheeks, long removed from their last bath, sitting around in a fancy parlour, drinking tea from pretty cups, and arguing about the sesquiplicate. Thank heavens, then, for that other eighteenth century leisure pursuit, one of those English words that will never go out of fashion: gin. Now, where’s the tonic?
17. Superchery (1598): Superchery is an attack made on someone at a disadvantage. It’s a piece of foul play or trickery. “He didn’t win fairly. That was mere superchery, I tell thee!”
18. Withershins (1513): Withershins describes movement in a direction opposite to the usual, the wrong way, or in a direction contrary to the course of the sun. Unfortunately, it is regarded as unlucky, and even as a portent of disaster. Hence: “My lickerous partner was sick with a profluvium, so I thought he would go home, but he went withershins and, while fribbling, was knocked over by an elephant carrying a large number of mammothrepts from the local circus. What a noodle!” I challenge you to try that sentence out on someone today.
19. Wi-wi (1845): Wi-wi used to be Australian slang for a Frenchman. I guess they were referring to “oui, oui” (yes, yes), but came off sounding more like a call for the toilet. Silly.
20. Yex (1629): Meaning to sob, hiccup, or belch forth, yex is a fabulous word to describe those great uncontrollable sobs kids have when they are really upset, isn’t it? “Where’s Johnny?” “Oh, he’s having a yex. He’ll be fine in a few minutes.”
So there you have it: twenty English words, most of which should be left to die a graceful death in charity shops up and down the country, and others that surely deserve a revival, if for no other reason than that they sound ridiculously cool. Try a few out today!
